On my mind..

It sure seems like all the stuff that has come to life in our journey for another living baby has been stuck in the front of my mind lately.

I have been researching... reading stuff on the internet I should be hearing from a doctor... worrying myself. Thinking about numbers... how many more miscarriages are we willing to go through... how many times are we willing to throw possible  $10k down for PGD with IVF if that is what it comes down to...  I wonder how I would feel if we had a child that had this chromosomal abnormality, but my body doesn't miscarry. The child will only have a 10% chance of living through it's first year... and even if he or she were to live longer... it would be with severe mental/physical limitations.

I wanted an answer. I mean, I am still happy to have one. I just  didn't want the answer to be so scary... so limiting. I didn't want to get the answers while friends were having babies that I can't bring myself to go visit. I didn't want the answer while watching people on their 3rd or 4th kid complaining about what sex they want the baby to be and how the will be upset if it isn't what they want. I wanted to answer to come with a perscription or easy procedure to fix it.

We see the genetic counselor on Friday and we will be able to ask a lot of questions then. I know that it will be anxiety ridden and scary... but I know we need some straight forward numbers... a plan of action...

We need some hope.
We are NOT ready to throw in the towel...
We still believe that Collin needs a little brother or sister.