2014.

Last year, I was laying in bed writing this blog.

I was saying how I hoped that tonight I would be cuddled up with my kids. Or with a pregnant belly.

I'm not.

It's official, we are in our last year of our deadline. We will not be trying past Collin's 5th birthday, and considering Collin's 4th birthday is this month, 2014 HAS to be our year to add our rainbow to our family... or it isn't going to happen. Chances are, we won't be trying the whole year either. The next pregnancy will be my 10th pregnancy and this has gotten hard on my body and both  of our hearts. I guess the New Year is hard in that way this year, knowing that this time next year, if we don't have another child... we just won't ever.

I don't have hopes. I definitely don't have expectations. I am not positive about this experience because it is what it is. A crappy situation that leaves us with broken hearts and lessening hope as time goes on.

So 2014... please be our year. Or this story will not have our happy ending.