This time last year I was happily pregnant. A few days short of 10 weeks.
We had some pictures taken by our friend, Brenna, to announce our pregnancy on Christmas day to our families and friends.
Here is one of them.
In this picture, our sweet baby was still nestled in my stomach, but without a heartbeat. We didn't know this of course, until 2 days after Christmas. 2 days after we had recieved hugs and congratulations. The day after we had bought his/her "First Christmas" Onesie and bib on an after Christmas sale.
This time last year, we were in heaven. We had seen our baby's heartbeat and had no inkling that anything was wrong. Sure, I had lost a baby in September, but we knew nothing of our issues. We thought the loss in September was a fluke and that by this time this year, we would have a 5 month old.
It kills me to not have any presents under the tree for that baby... or any of the 5 babies we lost. I would give anything to have even one of them back with us, here. I think it would make these holidays easier. I love Collin and I know we are so blessed to have him. I just miss the babies I never got to meet. I loved them all. I grew attached to each one of them. Had hope that they would eventually rest in my arms and not just in my heart.
Rest in peace my sweet angels. Merry Christmas up there. You are celebrating with the Birthday Boy himself <3 Mommy and Daddy love you so much. These tears are for us, not for you. We know you are in paradise.
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